Beginnings: Happiness
I've always been known as a positive person; the person that will do anything to make others happy. I’m the person that would drop everything to help someone in need, the person you'd go to for spilling your darkest secrets. For coming out to and always being accepted. Everyone around me thought I was happy and content with doing that. And I was. Or so I thought.
After constantly being used, ignored, abused, hurt, etc. I found out that although helping others brought me joy, it didn't make me as happy as I thought. Don't get me wrong -- I still love helping people, especially the people I love-- but I've also learned to be more cautious. I stopped forgiving people who had proven they didn’t deserve forgiveness. I've blocked (I’m particularly proud of this because my block list used to be only 3 people and spam bots) MULTIPLE people that were toxic and only used me for their gain. I've stayed away from home to avoid constant abuse. I also cut a very toxic and abusive relationship off after a month of constant crying and anxiety attacks. In other words, I got rid of those who didn't actually care, and focused on myself and those who do.
On top of all of this, I started doing things that I've always wanted to do. These things have helped me feel confident in myself. I started eating better. I haven't started a specific diet, but I've adopted a healthier lifestyle. It's made me feel so much better and less tired throughout the day. I've worked out more often. I reach about 8,000-9,000 steps per day, sometimes more. I started to organize my room again. I rearranged my room into a practical and aesthetically pleasing design (with the help of some friends). I started to write again (hence the start-up of a blog again). I started to play the piano again and discover more music. Music has always been my passion and I'm starting to find my love for it again. Reading has become more frequent and my love for that has resurfaced. I cut my hair and dyed it red again. I constantly said for years that I wanted long hair, but after constant tangles and frizziness, I decided to cut it. Holy fuck does it looks amazing! I absolutely love the red, it makes me feel confident in myself and my image. I was debating on this for at least a month and decided to finally cut it to chin length. When it's straight, it does fall to almost shoulder length, but I still love this look. I started to take better care of my skin which has made dramatic changes in my acne and dry skin. I'm finally confident in myself.
I know I've been constantly stressed with working three jobs lately. Bergner's closes in four days though so that stress is finally going to be gone. I loved my coworkers and working there before the liquidation, but customers and a certain coworker made my life a living hell there when this whole process started. I'm the main cook at the bar I work at now, and I'm a call in at the coffee shop. School just started this past Monday and I already love college so much better than high school. I love the classes I'm taking and I'm excited to join clubs/ organizations soon.
I have many projects starting again that I'm excited about. I'm going to relaunch StuffPositively, my activist blog/social media, with what I had hoped to do before toxicity took a toll on my life. I'm planning on volunteering more in my community. I'm either going to be streaming or making videos once my new laptop is set up and ready. I'm going to blog now. I'm going to spread positivity instead of negativity. I'm going to advocate more for the things I believe in. I'm going to start composing music and drawing again. I'm excited about the future and what it holds. I used to not look forward to anything, but now I'm looking forward to everything.
All the love,
Cierra/Ciaran Rose🖤
After constantly being used, ignored, abused, hurt, etc. I found out that although helping others brought me joy, it didn't make me as happy as I thought. Don't get me wrong -- I still love helping people, especially the people I love-- but I've also learned to be more cautious. I stopped forgiving people who had proven they didn’t deserve forgiveness. I've blocked (I’m particularly proud of this because my block list used to be only 3 people and spam bots) MULTIPLE people that were toxic and only used me for their gain. I've stayed away from home to avoid constant abuse. I also cut a very toxic and abusive relationship off after a month of constant crying and anxiety attacks. In other words, I got rid of those who didn't actually care, and focused on myself and those who do.
On top of all of this, I started doing things that I've always wanted to do. These things have helped me feel confident in myself. I started eating better. I haven't started a specific diet, but I've adopted a healthier lifestyle. It's made me feel so much better and less tired throughout the day. I've worked out more often. I reach about 8,000-9,000 steps per day, sometimes more. I started to organize my room again. I rearranged my room into a practical and aesthetically pleasing design (with the help of some friends). I started to write again (hence the start-up of a blog again). I started to play the piano again and discover more music. Music has always been my passion and I'm starting to find my love for it again. Reading has become more frequent and my love for that has resurfaced. I cut my hair and dyed it red again. I constantly said for years that I wanted long hair, but after constant tangles and frizziness, I decided to cut it. Holy fuck does it looks amazing! I absolutely love the red, it makes me feel confident in myself and my image. I was debating on this for at least a month and decided to finally cut it to chin length. When it's straight, it does fall to almost shoulder length, but I still love this look. I started to take better care of my skin which has made dramatic changes in my acne and dry skin. I'm finally confident in myself.
I know I've been constantly stressed with working three jobs lately. Bergner's closes in four days though so that stress is finally going to be gone. I loved my coworkers and working there before the liquidation, but customers and a certain coworker made my life a living hell there when this whole process started. I'm the main cook at the bar I work at now, and I'm a call in at the coffee shop. School just started this past Monday and I already love college so much better than high school. I love the classes I'm taking and I'm excited to join clubs/ organizations soon.
I have many projects starting again that I'm excited about. I'm going to relaunch StuffPositively, my activist blog/social media, with what I had hoped to do before toxicity took a toll on my life. I'm planning on volunteering more in my community. I'm either going to be streaming or making videos once my new laptop is set up and ready. I'm going to blog now. I'm going to spread positivity instead of negativity. I'm going to advocate more for the things I believe in. I'm going to start composing music and drawing again. I'm excited about the future and what it holds. I used to not look forward to anything, but now I'm looking forward to everything.
All the love,
Cierra/Ciaran Rose🖤
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